Anger
Anger is a powerful emotion that can have devastating effects on both the individual and those around them, frequently in family and marriage relationships. It often arises from a feeling of frustration or a sense of being out of control and can manifest in a variety of sinful ways, including yelling, screaming, and physical violence. Anger can be damaging to relationships, careers, and personal health, and it can be a major obstacle to living an abundant life.
The Bible has much to say about anger and its effects. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger," emphasizing the importance of responding calmly and kindly to others, even in difficult situations. Similarly, Ephesians 4:26-27 acknowledges that anger is a natural emotion but warns against allowing it to fester and turn into sin, also reminding us that unchecked anger can give the Devil an opportunity to gain a foothold in our lives.
To overcome anger, the Bible offers several strategies, including forgiveness, gratitude, and seeking wisdom and guidance from God. Matthew 6:14-15 teaches that forgiveness is essential for moving past anger and allowing healing to take place. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages focusing on gratitude to shift our focus away from negative emotions and towards the blessings in our lives. James 1:5 recommends seeking wisdom and guidance from God to learn how to respond to difficult situations in a way that honors Him and diffuses anger.
The tongue and anger are closely related both scripturally and in life. James 3:5-6 emphasizes the immense power of the tongue and how it can cause destruction and chaos in our lives when used in conjunction with anger. Proverbs 15:1 speaks to the importance of using our words carefully when we are angry, as harsh words can fuel the flames of anger and cause more harm. Similarly, Ephesians 4:29 emphasizes the importance of using our words to build up others rather than tearing them down.
In life, we have all experienced the damaging effects of the tongue when coupled with anger. However, by recognizing the power of our words and choosing to respond with love, kindness, and self-control, we can diffuse anger and promote healing and peace in our relationships. By following these biblical principles, we can learn to respond to difficult situations in a way that honors God and promotes personal growth and well-being.
Anger is a powerful emotion that, when left unchecked, can escalate into abusive behavior. When people are unable to manage their anger, they may lash out physically or verbally, causing harm to those around them. This kind of behavior can quickly turn into abuse if it becomes a pattern and is not addressed.
Physical abuse is one of the most extreme forms of anger turning into abuse. This can include hitting, pushing, or throwing objects at another person. Physical abuse can cause lasting physical harm and can be a significant danger to the victim's safety.
Verbal abuse is another way that anger can turn into abuse. This can include name-calling, yelling, or belittling another person. Verbal abuse can have lasting emotional effects on the victim, causing them to feel worthless or unloved.
In extreme circumstances, sexual abuse is also a form of abuse that can stem from unchecked anger. This can include any unwanted sexual contact or advances, coercion, or using sex as a way to control another person. Sexual abuse causes significant trauma and can have long-lasting effects on the victim's mental and emotional health.
It is important to recognize the warning signs of abuse and report it in accordance with Biblical Counseling Hub policies.
Questions to answer with our counselee
What situations or circumstances tend to trigger your anger? Identifying specific triggers can help in developing strategies for managing anger in those situations.
How do you typically respond when you feel angry? Understanding one's typical response patterns can help in developing alternative, healthier responses.
How has your anger affected your relationships with others? Understanding the impact of anger on one's relationships can be a powerful motivator for change.
Have you ever sought forgiveness for how your anger has hurt others? Helping individuals recognize the importance of seeking forgiveness can be a key step in addressing anger.
What role do you think God can play in helping you overcome anger? Encouraging individuals to seek God's guidance and support in overcoming anger can be a powerful source of victory.
Are there any underlying emotions or experiences that may be contributing to your anger? Helping individuals identify and work through underlying issues can be an important part of addressing anger.
How can you better communicate your needs and desires in a way that is respectful and constructive? Developing better communication skills can be an important part of managing anger.
Are there any biblical teachings or principles that you find particularly helpful in dealing with anger? Helping individuals apply biblical principles to their struggles with anger can be a powerful source of help and hope.
Stories to consider
Cain and Abel (Genesis 4)
Cain and Abel were the first two sons of Adam and Eve. Cain was a farmer and Abel was a shepherd. One day, they both offered sacrifices to God, but God accepted Abel's offering and not Cain's. This made Cain angry and jealous of his brother. God warned Cain that he must master his anger, but Cain ignored the warning and invited Abel into a field where he attacked and killed him.
When God asked Cain where his brother was, Cain replied with the famous words, "Am I my brother's keeper?" God then cursed Cain, making it so that he could no longer farm the land, and he was destined to be a wanderer on the earth.
The story of Cain and Abel illustrates the destructive power of unchecked anger and jealousy. Cain's anger led to him committing the ultimate act of violence against his own brother. It also highlights the importance of obedience to God's commands and the consequences of disobedience.
Saul and David (1 Samuel 18-31)
Saul was the first king of Israel, chosen by God to lead his people, but he began to disobey God and lose his favor. In contrast, David was a young shepherd whom God had chosen to be Saul's successor as king. As David became more successful and gained more popularity among the people, Saul became jealous and resentful. His jealousy turned to anger and he began to plot against David. He even threw a spear at David, trying to kill him.
Saul's anger and jealousy continued to grow until he was consumed by it. He even ordered his own son and closest advisors to kill David, but they refused. Saul's anger drove him to madness and he began to act irrationally, even trying to kill his own son Jonathan when he defended David.
David had to flee for his life and spent many years on the run from Saul. Despite this, David continued to show respect and honor to Saul, recognizing him as the anointed king of Israel. The story of Saul and David illustrates the destructive power of anger and jealousy when left unchecked. It also highlights the importance of forgiveness and respect, even in the face of opposition and hostility.
Jesus in the Temple (Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:45-46; John 2:13-17)
The story takes place during the time of the Passover, a Jewish holiday when people from all over the region came to Jerusalem to offer sacrifices in the temple. The temple area was filled with merchants and money changers who were taking advantage of the people, charging exorbitant fees for the animals and coins needed for the sacrifices.
When Jesus arrived at the temple and saw what was happening, he became filled with righteous anger. He overturned the tables of the money changers and drove out the merchants, saying, "My house shall be called a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of robbers."
Jesus' actions were a powerful statement against the corruption and exploitation that had taken hold in the temple. His actions demonstrated his authority as the Son of God and his commitment to righteousness and holiness. Righteous anger can be a powerful force for good when it is directed at the sin and injustice that exists in the world.
Verses for study
Anger; hatred
Proverbs 19:11: A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 29:11: “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise person holds it back.”
James 1:19-21: You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness of God. Therefore, ridding yourselves of all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.
1 John 2:9-11: The one who says that he is in the Light and yet hates his brother or sister is in the darkness until now. But the one who hates his brother or sister is in the darkness and walks in the darkness and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
Numbers 20:6-12: Moses struck the rock twice instead of speaking to the rock
1 Samuel 18:8-9: Saul was jealous of David
1 Samuel 20:30-33: Saul’s anger burned against Jonathan because he loved David
Proverbs 12:16: A fool’s anger is known at once, but a prudent person conceals dishonor.
Proverbs 14:17: A quick-tempered person acts foolishly, and a person of evil devices is hated.
Proverbs 14:29: One who is slow to anger has great understanding; But one who is quick-tempered exalts foolishness.
Proverbs 15:18: A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute.
Proverbs 16:32: One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city.
Proverbs 17:14: The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.
Proverbs 18:19: A brother who is offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and quarrels are like the bars of a citadel.
Proverbs 19:19: A person of great anger will suffer the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again.
Proverbs 22:24-25: Do not make friends with a person given to anger, or go with a hot-tempered person, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.
Proverbs 29:8: Arrogant people inflame a city, but wise people turn away anger.
Proverbs 29:22: An angry person stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered person abounds in wrongdoing.
Ecclesiastes 7:9: “Do not be eager in your spirit to be angry, for anger resides in the heart of fools.”
Proverbs 10:12: Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
1 John 3:15-16: Everyone who hates his brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life remaining in him. We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters.
Righteous anger
Ephesians 4:26-27: "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil."
Matthew 21:12-13; John 2:13-17: “He overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. And He said to them, ‘It is written: “My house will be called a house of prayer”; but you are making it a den of robbers.’”
Deuteronomy 29:24-29: warning of what to expect if they reject God
1 Samuel 11:1-6: Saul was righteously angry when his people were plotting against him and Samuel
Psalm 85:5-6: Will You be angry with us forever? Will You prolong Your anger to all generations?
Psalm 90:11-12: Who understands the power of Your anger And Your fury, according to the fear that is due You?
Psalm 106:32-33: “They also provoked Him to wrath at the waters of Meribah”
The tongue
James 1:26: If anyone thinks himself to be religious yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless.
James 3:3-12: the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell.
Proverbs 15:1-2: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 18:20-21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”
Proverbs 10:11: “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”
Proverbs 11:9: “With his mouth the godless person destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous will be rescued.”
Proverbs 15:28: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
Proverbs 16:23: “The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Proverbs 16:27-28: “A worthless person digs up evil, while his words are like scorching fire. A perverse person spreads strife, and a slanderer separates close friends.”
Proverbs 18:6-8: “A fool’s lips bring strife, and his mouth invites beatings. A fool’s mouth is his ruin. The words of a gossiper are like dainty morsels”
Proverbs 29:20: “Do you see a person who is hasty with his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
Put off | Put on
"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:22-24 ESV)
Put off: Satan; temptation; sin; slavery; false teachers; idols; selfishness; gossip; foolishness; pride; blaming God; guilt and shame
Put on: God; repentance of my sin or forgiveness of another’s sin; Jesus; repentance unto salvation; Holy Spirit; sanctification; fruit; spiritual disciplines; identity in Christ; healthy emotions
Article: Anger and Strategies to Overcome by Bryan Carlson
“Anger is our whole-personed active response of negative moral judgement against perceived evil” (Jones 15). “It is an active response: it is something we do. A whole-personed active response: It always involves beliefs and motives, perceptions and desires. A response against something: provocation is not causation! The real cause is what lies in our heart. Involves a negative moral judgement: what you did was wrong or unjust! Against perceived evil: May be accurate or inaccurate” (Roy 5). Anger is not inherently sinful, but it can become sinful when it is not expressed or controlled in a healthy and biblical manner. The Believer is commanded to be angry without sinning (Ephesians 4:26).
Manifestations of anger in the inner man can include feelings of annoyance, frustration, resentment, self-pity, brooding, or bitterness (Ephesians 4:31; Ecclesiastes 7:9). “When a little thing pushed your button, it says something big about the buttons inside of you” (Powlison 12). “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor…not bear a grudge” (Leviticus 19:17-18). Outwardly, anger can manifest as verbal or physical aggression, explosive outbursts, sulking, or withdrawing from others.
Factors that drive anger can include real/perceived wrongs incurred against God, others, or self (Genesis 4:3–8; Ruth 1:20; Jonah 4:1; Psalm 7:11; Acts 17:16) including injustice, unrighteousness, hurt, frustration, and a sense of violation of one's rights or values. Anger can also stem from a desire for control, fear, or feelings of vulnerability or from undealt with problems (Ephesians 4:26–27).
The Bible provides several strategies for responding to anger:
Seek to understand the root cause of your anger and address it in a biblical manner (James 1:19-20; Proverbs 15:1).
Seek wisdom from God and submit to His guidance in how to respond to your anger (Proverbs 3:5-6; James 1:5).
Practice self-control and resist the temptation to lash out in anger (Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 4:26-27).
Seek to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
Pray for those who have wronged you, rather than harboring anger and bitterness towards them (Matthew 5:44).
Seek to forgive others, as God has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).
Seek reconciliation with those you are angry with, as far as it depends on you (Romans 12:18).
Seek to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39), and to do unto others as you would have them do unto you (Luke 6:31).
God provides grace that allows me to:
exercise self-control, patience, and gentleness (Gal 5:22-23; James 1:19);
speak with gentleness and grace (Eph 4:29);
lovingly do good to those who wronged me (Rom 12:9-21, Gen 5:21);
receive correction, even from those who hurt me (Prov 9:8; 13:10);
pursue restoration of those who hurt me, remembering their sin is primarily against God (Ps 51:4). My objective is to restore (not vent or judge) my brother/sister (Matt 5:21-16; 18:15). (Roy 5-7)
Robert Jones, Uprooting Anger, 15.
Don Roy, IBCD, ACBC Theology Exam Study Guide, 5-7.
David Powlison, Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness, 12.
Resources:
“Uprooting Anger” Robert Jones
“Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness” David Powlison
“Anger and Stress Management God’s Way” by Wayne Mack
“Anger: Escaping the Maze” (booklet) by David Powlison
“The Heart of Anger” by Lou Priolo
“Anger ‘Hot Button’ List” by Lou Priolo
“Getting a Grip” by Lou Priolo
“Anger, Anxiety, and Fear” by Stewart Scott
“What to do When Anger Gets the Upper Hand” (booklet) by Jay Adams
“Passions of the Heart” by John Street
