Repentance | Forgiveness
As people, we face numerous struggles and issues in life. These can range from physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, and relational problems. Most counseling scenarios we will be dealing with as biblical counselors will be the result of sin, either their own sin or someone else's sin. Sin creates a barrier between us and God and us and others and hinders our ability to live the abundant life we have in Christ (John 10:10).
To overcome our struggles caused by our own sin, repentance is required.
To overcome issues or struggles in our lives caused by another’s sin, forgiveness is the solution.
Repentance
Repentance is not just a one-time event. It is a continuous process of turning away from sin and turning toward God. It is acknowledging our wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness from God. As we grow in our relationship with God, we become more aware of our sin and the need for repentance. In 1 John 1:9, we are told, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." God's forgiveness is always available to us, no matter how big or small our sins may be. We can trust that He will forgive us because of His righteousness, not because of anything we have done. God's forgiveness is not based on our own merits or works, but on His grace and mercy. In addition to asking for God’s forgiveness, repentance will also involve asking forgiveness from those your counselee has wronged in their selfishness and sin. The goal is to become more like Christ through sanctification.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the act of pardoning someone for their wrongdoing. It is a choice to release the offender from the debt they owe us. Forgiveness is not excusing the offense or forgetting what happened, or even subjecting oneself to further offense, but choosing to no longer hold it against the offender. It’s as extreme as eventually loving the offender, praying they will repent of their sin and receive forgiveness from God. The Bible teaches us that forgiveness is necessary for our own spiritual growth and well-being. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, "For if you forgive others for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your offenses." Similarly, in Colossians 3:13, we are told, "bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you forgive."
Forgiveness can be extremely difficult, especially when we have been severely wronged by another. I’m definitely not saying it’s easy, or natural, and it will almost certainly not happen overnight, but it is essential for healing, and for our sanctification. The parable of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:21-35 illustrates the point. In the parable, a servant owed his master a large sum of money. The master forgave the servant's debt, but the servant then went and demanded payment from a fellow servant who owed him a much smaller amount. When the fellow servant could not pay, the ungrateful servant had him thrown into prison. The master then called the ungrateful servant back and rebuked him for not showing mercy to his fellow servant, as he had been shown mercy by the master. The master then handed him over to the torturers until he could pay back all that he owed.
We are the ungrateful servant in this parable. As Believers, we have been forgiven an enormous debt by God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He sent His only Son to die a brutal death in our place to provide the forgiveness from sin we did not deserve. Therefore, we should also forgive those who have wronged us. No matter how grievous another person’s sin, it does not come close to our offense against a holy God. Furthermore, as we see in the parable, the consequences of not forgiving others are severe. We are expected to show the same mercy and compassion that God has shown us. Do they deserve our forgiveness? No, they do not, in the same we don't deserve God’s forgiveness. Thank God in His grace that He doesn’t give us what we deserve.
Sometimes it’s both
When working with a counselee, many times the issue(s) they are coming to you with are caused both by their own sin (requiring repentance) AND someone else’s sin acting upon them (requiring forgiveness). If we take conflict in marriage for example, it may be that their spouse is extremely difficult to live with and the cause of 80% of the conflicts in the marriage. You will have to work with your counselee to figure out what it looks like to grant forgiveness to their sinful spouse. But your work doesn’t stop there. You will also have to work with your counselee to repent of the 20% of the conflict they are inflicting upon their marriage. Even if they are responsible for only 20%, they will need to ask their spouse for forgiveness. Again, how much of the violation in our relationship with God was our fault—100%—and He still humbled himself to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8), covering the penalty for our sin.
In summary, most of our issues and struggles in life are rooted in sin, either our own sin or someone else's sin. Repentance and forgiveness are the biblical solutions to overcoming these struggles. Repentance allows us to turn away from our sin and toward God, while forgiveness allows us to release others from the debt they owe us. As we have been shown mercy by God, we should also show mercy and forgiveness towards others. May we strive to live a life of repentance and forgiveness, allowing God's grace and love to transform our lives and bring healing to our struggles and issues.
Both repentance and forgiveness of sin will lead us through the journey of the cross.
Resources
“Putting Your Past in Its Place” by Steve Viars
“Unpacking Forgiveness” by Chris Brauns
“Ready to Restore” by Jay Adams
“Pursuing Peace” by Robert D. Jones
