Gossip

4. General Counseling Topics
Written By Bryan Carlson

Knowledge is power. This principle can be applied to many aspects of life, including the phenomenon of gossip.

Gossip can be defined as the sharing of rumors or personal information about others, often behind their backs. It can take many forms, such as discussing someone's personal life, spreading rumors about their behavior, or speculating about their intentions or motives. While gossip can sometimes seem harmless or even entertaining, it can also have serious negative consequences for the people being discussed and the social dynamics of a group or community.

One of the reasons why gossip is so prevalent in human societies is that it is often driven by a desire for knowledge and power. People who share information about others may feel like they have an edge over those who do not, or that they are privy to secrets that others are not. This can lead to a sense of superiority or even a desire to manipulate or control others based on the information that is shared. Gossips also have a tendency to tear others down so as to elevate themselves. If they can disparage everyone else, they may find themselves on the top of the heap.

Here’s a little tip about gossip. If someone is gossiping to you about someone else, they are gossiping about you to someone else!

While gossip may provide a temporary sense of power or control, it will ultimately be destructive for both the gossiper and the person being gossiped about. For one thing, gossip often involves spreading inaccurate or incomplete information, which can lead to misunderstandings and false perceptions of others. It can lead to social exclusion, bullying, and other sinful behaviors that does not honor God. Moreover, gossip erodes trust and social cohesion within a group or community. When people feel like their personal information or private behavior is being scrutinized or shared without their consent, they may withdraw from social interactions or become defensive and mistrustful of others.

Over time, a gossip loses trust and true friends. At the root, a gossip is insecure and immature. They must be challenged to find their identity in Christ, grow in sanctification, and love their neighbor as themselves. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to stop gossip. There is no room for it! ”It is a restless evil and full of deadly poison” (James 3:8).

Questions to answer with our counselee

  • What are some of the reasons why you feel compelled to gossip about others?

  • How do you feel after you have engaged in gossip? Are you left feeling guilty, ashamed, or regretful?

  • Have you considered the potential consequences of gossiping, both for yourself and for others? How do you think your words might be impacting those around you?

  • Are there any underlying issues or emotions that may be driving your tendency to gossip? For example, do you struggle with insecurity, jealousy, or a desire for attention?

  • Where would you say you find your identity?

  • Are there biblical principles or teachings that can help guide you in how you approach gossiping? For example, how might the teachings of love, forgiveness, and humility inform your actions and attitudes towards others?

  • How might you respond differently in situations where you are tempted to gossip? Are there alternative ways to communicate your concerns or frustrations that are more constructive and respectful?

  • Have you sought forgiveness from those who may have been hurt by your gossiping? How might you make amends and seek reconciliation with those you have wronged?

Stories to consider

Absalom (2 Samuel 15-18)

The story of Absalom is a tragic tale of a son's rebellion against his father and the devastating effects of his gossip and slander. Absalom was the third son of King David, known for his handsome appearance and charming personality. He had a deep sense of entitlement and ambition and began to scheme and plot against his father, seeking to gain the throne for himself.

Absalom began to spread rumors and lies about King David, telling people that he was neglecting his duties as king and that he did not care about the people of Israel. He presented himself as a more compassionate and just ruler, one who would provide for the needs of the people and bring about much-needed change. Absalom's words were seductive and powerful, and many people began to follow him, believing that he was the true heir to the throne.

As Absalom's rebellion grew, King David was forced to flee Jerusalem, leaving behind his palace and much of his royal household. Absalom declared himself king and set up his own court, surrounded by many of David's former advisers and allies. He even took David's concubines as his own, a symbolic act of defiance and disrespect towards his father.

Despite his growing power, however, Absalom's reign was marked by chaos and instability. He lacked the wisdom and experience to govern effectively, and his actions often led to conflict and division among his followers. Meanwhile, King David continued to gather support and plan his return to Jerusalem, determined to reclaim his throne and restore order to Israel.

In the end, Absalom's rebellion was defeated, and he himself was killed in a tragic battle. Despite his charm and charisma, Absalom's legacy was one of selfishness, rebellion, and ultimately, tragedy. His story serves as a cautionary tale of the dangers of pride and ambition and the destructive power of gossip and slander.

Verses for study

Gossip | The tongue

  • James 1:26: If anyone thinks himself to be religious yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless.

  • James 3:3-12: the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell.

  • Proverbs 18:20-21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”

  • Proverbs 20:19: “One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; therefore, do not associate with a gossip.”

  • Proverbs 10:18-22: “One who conceals hatred has lying lips, and one who spreads slander is a fool.”

  • Proverbs 10:11a: “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life.”

  • Proverbs 11:9a: “With his mouth the godless person destroys his neighbor.”

  • Proverbs 11:13: “One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, but one who is trustworthy conceals a matter.”

  • Proverbs 12:17-19: “Truthful lips will endure forever, but a lying tongue is only for a moment.”

  • Proverbs 15:28: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”

  • Proverbs 16:23: “The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

  • Proverbs 16:27-28: “A worthless person digs up evil, while his words are like scorching fire. A perverse person spreads strife, and a slanderer separates close friends.”

  • Proverbs 18:6-8: “A fool’s lips bring strife, and his mouth invites beatings. A fool’s mouth is his ruin. The words of a gossiper are like dainty morsels”

  • Proverbs 21:23: "He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles."

  • Proverbs 26:20-22: “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no gossiper, quarreling quiets down. The words of a gossiper are like dainty morsels.”

  • Proverbs 29:20: “Do you see a person who is hasty with his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

  • Romans 1:29-32: "Being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them."

  • 1 Timothy 5:3-6: "Thus, they incur condemnation because they have set aside their previous pledge. At the same time, they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention."

Put off | Put on

"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:22-24 ESV)

Bryan Carlson
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