Grief | Struggle
As Christians, we know that this world is not our eternal home, and during our time here, we often face hardship, struggle, and trials that can lead to deep grief. Sin, which is the result of Satan's hatred towards us, leads to death, broken relationships, mistreatment, illness, accidents, and loss. However, we can take comfort in the promises of God found in the book of Revelation, which speak of a time when there will be no more pain, sorrow, or tears. "And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
Even in the midst of our grief, we can trust that God is at work. He is able to redeem the havoc that sin and Satan are wreaking in our lives and bring beauty from ashes. We are not meant to grieve as if we have no hope, but rather to cling to the hope found in God's promises and in His character. "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as indeed the rest of mankind do, who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
One of the most beautiful and reassuring aspects of the Christian faith is the belief that God can bring good out of even the most difficult and painful situations in our lives. We see this truth demonstrated time and again throughout the Bible, as well as in the lives of countless believers throughout history. Of course, it's important to note that the fact that God can bring good out of bad situations doesn't mean that He causes or approves of the bad things themselves. Rather, God is able to take the broken pieces of our lives and transform them into something beautiful, just as a skilled artist can take a broken piece of pottery and turn it into a work of art.
As we walk through the trials and difficulties of life, we can take comfort in the fact that our God is not distant or uninvolved, but rather is at work in every circumstance, bringing about His perfect purposes and plans. And even when we can't see the good in the midst of the pain, we can trust that God is faithful, and that He will ultimately work all things together for our good and His glory.
As the book of Proverbs tells us, we are called to trust in the Lord with all our heart and not to lean on our own understanding. We are to acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). Even in the midst of grief and pain, we can trust in the sovereignty and goodness of God, who is with us and will never leave us.
Questions to answer with our counselee
What happened to lead to your grief?
How long ago did this happen?
What caused you to reach out to me for help?
How are you feeling right now?
Can you tell me more about what you're going through?
What has been helping you cope with your grief so far?
Is there anything specific that has been triggering your grief lately?
How does your grief affect your day-to-day?
Do you have other loved ones who are also experiencing this grief? (i.e. a spouse after the death of a child)
If so, how is your relationship with them?
If so, do you think they would be willing to join us for counseling?
Do you see light at the end of the tunnel?
Who in your life have you or are you confiding in through your grief?
How have you brought God into your grief?
Are you familiar with how the Bible talks about grief?
Are you willing to let me walk through this journey with you?
Is it ever okay to be angry with God or to blame God? (Though you likely won’t bring this up in the first session, as you continue counseling, you will want to help your counselee understand an accurate theology of God and of Satan).
Stories to consider
Job
The story of Job is one of the most well-known and powerful stories of grief and faithfulness in the Bible. Job was a wealthy man who lived in the land of Uz with his family and livestock. He was known for his faithfulness to God and his righteousness, and his life was filled with blessings and prosperity. However, one day Satan appeared before God and challenged Job's faith, claiming that he only served God because he had been blessed. So, God allowed Satan to take away everything that Job had - his livestock, his servants, and even his children. Job was left with nothing. Can you imagine? Think about losing almost everyone and everything that is the most dear to you and the overwhelming grief that would cause.
Despite this tremendous loss and the physical afflictions he suffered, Job remained faithful to God. His friends came to comfort him, but they offered him little comfort and instead accused him of sinning and deserving punishment from God. Job wrestled with his despair and questioned why God would allow him to suffer so much. He longed for God to answer him and reveal His plan. Yet, through it all, he refused to curse God and turn away from Him.
Finally, God spoke to Job, revealing His power and sovereignty. He reminded Job that He was in control of all things, and that His ways were beyond human understanding. Job was humbled and repented of any arrogance he may have had. In the end, God restored Job's fortunes and blessed him even more than before. Job's story is a powerful testament to the faithfulness of God and the importance of trusting Him even in the midst of great suffering and despair.
David Lamenting over His Son (2 Samuel 12:15-23)
After David had committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband, Uriah, killed, God sent the prophet Nathan to confront him. Nathan told David a story about a rich man who took a poor man's only lamb, and David, enraged, declared that the rich man deserved to die. Nathan then revealed that the story was a metaphor for David's own sin and warned him that the sword would never depart from his house.
David repented of his sin and Bathsheba became his wife. However, their first child together became sick and was on the brink of death. David fasted and cried out to the Lord for his son's life. He was overcome with grief and lamented loudly. But after seven days the child died. His servants were afraid to approach him because of his distress, but David saw them whispering and realized that his son had indeed died.
David then got up, washed and anointed himself, changed his clothes, and worshiped the Lord! When his servants asked why he was behaving this way, David replied, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows, the Lord may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me" (2 Samuel 12:22-23).
David's response shows his deep sorrow over his son's death, but also his understanding that there was nothing more he could do. He found hope in the belief that his son was in the presence of God, and that he would one day be reunited with him. The story of David's grief over the death of his son serves as a reminder that even great kings and leaders experience pain and loss, but that we can find hope and comfort in God's love and mercy.
Lamentations
The book of Lamentations is a collection of five poems that express deep mourning and lamentation over the destruction of Jerusalem and the Temple by the Babylonians in 586 BC. The poems were likely written by the prophet Jeremiah, who witnessed the devastation firsthand. The book of Lamentations provides a unique perspective on grief, as it shows us what it looks like to mourn the loss of a city and a way of life. It portrays the devastation and loss that the people of Jerusalem experienced, as they saw their homes, their families, and their religious center destroyed.
Through the poems in Lamentations, we see how grief can be expressed in a variety of ways, including mourning, weeping, lamenting, and pleading with God. The book is a powerful example of how it is okay to express our grief and sorrow openly, and how we can bring our emotions before God in prayer. Lamentations also teaches us that grief is a normal part of life, and that it is okay to feel a range of emotions when we experience loss. It also shows us that grief is not something we should try to rush through, but something that we must process and work through in our own time.
The book of Lamentations ultimately points us towards hope, even in the midst of our grief. The poems express a deep trust in God's mercy and faithfulness, even in the darkest of times. They remind us that God is always with us, even in our grief, and that He will ultimately bring healing and restoration to our brokenness. Overall, the book of Lamentations helps us to think about grief in a healthy and honest way. It shows us that we can bring our grief before God, express our emotions openly, and trust in His love and faithfulness, even in the midst of our pain.
Jesus and Lazarus (John 11:1-44)
Lazarus, a dear friend of Jesus, had fallen ill and died. Jesus traveled to the town of Bethany where Lazarus had lived, and he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Lazarus' sisters, Mary and Martha, were mourning and grieving their brother's death. "When Jesus therefore saw her (Mary) weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled."
Jesus asked to see the tomb and when He arrived, He told the people to move the stone away from the entrance. Martha was hesitant, reminding Jesus that her brother had been dead for four days and there would be a strong odor. Jesus replied, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" (John 11:40).
Jesus then prayed aloud to God, thanking Him for always hearing Him, and asking Him to raise Lazarus from the dead so that the people would believe that God had sent Him. He then called out to Lazarus, "Lazarus, come out!" (John 11:43). To everyone's amazement, Lazarus walked out of the tomb, still wrapped in burial clothes. Jesus commanded the people to remove the burial clothes and let him go.
The story of Lazarus' resurrection is a powerful example of Jesus' love and compassion for His friends, and His divine power to conquer death. But it is also significant because it shows that Jesus understands and empathizes with the grief and sorrow that comes with losing a loved one. His tears show us that it is okay to mourn, and that we can find comfort in knowing that He is with us in our grief.
Jesus' Deep Grief in Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46; Mark 14:32-42; Luke 22:39-46)
After the Last Supper with His disciples, Jesus and the disciples went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. Jesus knew that His arrest, trial, and crucifixion were imminent, and the weight of what He was about to face was heavy on His heart. He was about to take the sins of the world—past, present, and future—upon himself. He was about to suffer the wrath of a holy God for every sin ever committed or to be committed.
Jesus told His disciples to stay and keep watch while He went a little further to pray. He fell to the ground and began to pray to God, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will" (Matthew 26:39). Jesus was asking God if there was any way to avoid the suffering that He was about to endure, but at the same time, He was submitting to God's will, whatever it may be. He then returned to His disciples and found them asleep. He woke them up and asked them to keep watch with Him. Jesus returned to prayer two more times, each time expressing His deep sorrow and anguish. He knew that His suffering would be immense, and He was deeply troubled by the weight of it all. He prayed, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me" (Matthew 26:38). In Luke's account, it is said that Jesus' sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:44), indicating the intensity of His anguish.
Despite His sorrow and grief, Jesus remained faithful to God's will, and His prayer ultimately reflected His submission to God's plan. He knew that He had to suffer and die in order to save humanity from sin, and He was willing to endure it. The story of Jesus' deep grief in Gethsemane is a powerful example of the depth of His love for humanity and His willingness to endure unimaginable suffering in order to bring salvation to all who believe in Him. It also reminds us that even Jesus, the Son of God, experienced intense sorrow and grief, and that we can find comfort in knowing that He understands our own struggles and pain.
Verses for study
Grief:
Proverbs 14:13: “Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, And the end of joy may be grief.”
Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Job 1:20-21 - "Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"
Psalm 22 - This is a psalm of lament written by David, expressing his feelings of abandonment and despair, yet also his faith and trust in God's ultimate deliverance.
Psalm 30:5 - "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 - This passage speaks to the ebb and flow of life, and how there is a time for everything, including mourning and weeping.
Lamentations 3:31-33 - "For the Lord will not reject forever, for if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness."
Matthew 5:4 - "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
John 11:35 - "Jesus wept."
Revelation 21:4 - "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."
Struggle; trials; conflict
Job 1-2, etc: Job, a man of God, goes through every kind of trial imaginable
Romans 5:3-5: And not only this, but we also celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 8:18-25: For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
James 1:2-4: Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:12-15: Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
1 Peter 1:6-9: In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; obtaining as the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Genesis 39:19-23: Joseph sold into slavery and thrown into prison
2 Samuel 16:5-14: Shimei, of the house of Saul, mocked David
Job 5:7: “For man is born for trouble, as sparks fly upward.”
Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.
Matthew 26:37-40; Luke 22:39-46: Jesus’ burden in Gethsemane
2 Corinthians 4:5-12: we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying around in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who live are constantly being handed over to death because of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10: Because of the extraordinary greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Hebrews 5:8: Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.
1 Peter 2:18-25: For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person endures grief when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you would follow in His steps
1 Peter 4:1-2: Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because the one who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human lusts, but for the will of God.
1 Peter 4:12-19: Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though something strange were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that at the revelation of His glory you may also rejoice and be overjoyed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory, and of God, rests upon you.
Feeling forgotten by the Lord; forsaken; He sees you and knows you
Psalm 13:1: “How long, Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?”
Psalm 139: You knit me together; you know me; how precious are Your thoughts of me
Habakkuk 1:1-4: The pronouncement which Habakkuk the prophet saw: How long, Lord, have I called for help, And You do not hear?
Psalm 27:10: “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the Lord will take me up.”
Psalm 88:13-18: “Lord, why do You reject my soul? Why do You hide Your face from me?”
Psalms of hope and encouragement: Psalm 13, 20, 23, 34, 42, 46, 63, 84, 91, 93, 96, 100, 103, 116, 117, 121, 139, 145, 150
Put off | Put on
"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:22-24 ESV)
Put off: Satan; temptation; sin; slavery; false teachers; idols; selfishness; anger; blaming God; guilt and shame
Put on: God; repentance of my sin or forgiveness of another’s sin; Jesus; repentance unto salvation; Holy Spirit; sanctification; fruit; spiritual disciplines; identity in Christ; healthy emotions
Resources
“Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament” by Mark Vroegop
“Trusting God” by Jerry Bridges
“Suffering: Gospel Hope when Life Doesn’t Make Sense” by Paul David Tripp
“A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23” by W. Phillip Keller
“The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict” by Ken Sande
“Suffering and the Sovereignty of God” by John Piper and Justin Taylor
“God’s Mercy in Our Suffering: Lamentations for Pastors and Counselors” by Eric Kress and Paul Tautges
“Out of the Blues” by Wayne Mack
“God’s Grace in your Suffering” by David Powlison
