Loneliness | Isolation
“It is not good for man to be alone.” "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). The writer of Hebrews tells us to not forsake our own assembling together.
Loneliness and isolation are two experiences that can cause immense pain and suffering. As social creatures, humans have an innate need for connection and companionship, and when these needs are not met, the result can be devastating.
Loneliness is a subjective feeling of being disconnected from others, despite being surrounded by them. It can arise from a variety of situations, such as a lack of social support, the breakdown of a relationship, or simply feeling out of place in a social setting. Whatever the cause, loneliness can be a deeply distressing experience.
Isolation, on the other hand, is the objective state of being physically separated from others. This can occur as a result of circumstances such as living alone, working remotely, or being geographically isolated.
The pain of loneliness and isolation can manifest in many ways. It can lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and depression, as well as physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, and insomnia. These experiences can be compounded by a sense of shame or stigma, as many people feel that admitting to feeling lonely or isolated is a sign of weakness or failure.
Perhaps most insidious of all is the way that loneliness and isolation can feed off each other. Being alone can increase feelings of loneliness, which in turn can make it harder to connect with others. This vicious cycle can be difficult to break and can lead to a downward spiral of worsening mental health and social disconnection.
Despite the pain they can cause, loneliness and isolation are experiences that are all too common. According to a survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation in 2020, 47% of adults in the United States reported that their mental health had been negatively impacted by worry and stress related to COVID-19. This figure is likely to be even higher for those who experienced prolonged periods of isolation during the pandemic.
The pain of loneliness and isolation is a real and significant problem that affects many people. However, by reaching out for help and taking steps to connect with others, it is possible to overcome these experiences and find a sense of belonging and connection.
One powerful way to overcome loneliness is by serving others and taking the focus off of ourselves. Here are some reasons why serving others can be an effective antidote to loneliness:
It gives us a sense of purpose and meaning: When we serve others, we are contributing to something greater than ourselves. This can help us feel a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives, which can combat feelings of isolation and loneliness.
It connects us with others: serving others provides opportunities for us to connect with people we might not have otherwise met and to build relationships and foster connections with others.
It helps us see beyond our own struggles: When we focus on serving others, we are forced to look beyond our own struggles and see the world from a different perspective. This can be a refreshing change of pace from the isolation and self-focus that often come with loneliness.
It allows us to use our gifts and talents to honor the Lord and bless others: serving others can be a great way to use our unique gifts and talents to make a positive impact in the world. Whether we are using our skills to help someone in need or simply offering a listening ear to someone who needs to talk, serving others allows us to share our gifts with the world and make a difference in the lives of others.
Serving others can be a powerful way to overcome loneliness. By taking the focus off of ourselves and using our time, talents, and resources to help others, we can find meaning, connection, and purpose in our lives. Whether we are volunteering in our community, reaching out to a neighbor in need, or simply looking for ways to serve others in our daily lives, serving others can help us combat loneliness and make a positive impact in the world.
At the end of the day, the only true source of satisfaction that can last is found in our relationship with God through Jesus Christ and the indwelling Holy Spirit. Psalm 16:11 says, "You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." True joy and satisfaction are found in God's presence. When we prioritize our relationship with God and seek to know Him more, we will experience a deep sense of joy and contentment that cannot be found anywhere else. When we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, all the other things that we need in life will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). When we focus on our relationship with God and seek to do His will, we can trust that He will take care of our needs and provide for us.
Questions to answer with our counselee
How long have you been feeling lonely or isolated? Has anything in particular triggered these feelings?
Do you have any close relationships in your life? If not, do you feel comfortable talking about why that might be?
Do you feel lonely much of the time or mostly when you are by yourself?
What activities or hobbies do you enjoy? Have you considered joining a group or club where you can connect with others who share your interests?
Have you ever reached out to someone for help or support when you're feeling lonely or isolated? If not, what has prevented you from doing so?
What are some negative thoughts or beliefs you have about yourself that might be contributing to your loneliness or isolation?
Are there any practical steps you can take to address your feelings of loneliness or isolation?
Are you willing to explore the root causes of your loneliness and isolation, even if it means confronting difficult emotions or memories?
What types of service activities are you involved in?
Have you ever experienced a strong sense of connection with God or felt his presence during times of loneliness or isolation? If not, what has prevented you from experiencing that?
How do you or can you turn to the Lord and let Him help you in your times of loneliness?
Stories to consider
Jesus
The Gospel accounts in the Bible record occasions where Jesus experienced feelings of isolation and loneliness during His earthly ministry. In Matthew 26:36-46 and Mark 14:32-42, Jesus goes to the Garden of Gethsemane with His disciples, asking them to keep watch with Him as He prays to His Father. However, after returning from praying multiple times, Jesus finds that His disciples have fallen asleep each time. Jesus "began to be deeply grieved and distressed" (Mark 14:33) and prayed that the hour might pass from Him (Mark 14:35). These feelings of grief, distress, and a desire for relief from suffering may have contributed to feelings of loneliness and isolation for Jesus. In this moment, Jesus may have felt isolated and alone in His anguish as His closest companions could not stay awake to be with Him.
Another instance of Jesus feeling isolated can be found in Matthew 27:45-46, when Jesus is on the cross. In this moment, Jesus cries out to His Father, saying, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matthew 27:46). This cry reflects a deep sense of abandonment and loneliness that Jesus experienced as He bore the weight of the sins of the world.
Despite these feelings of isolation and loneliness, Jesus was able to overcome. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He ultimately submitted to the will of His Father, saying, "My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done" (Matthew 26:42). He then went on to endure the suffering of the cross, bearing the punishment for our sins so that we might have eternal life.
Through His example, we can learn that even in our darkest moments of isolation and loneliness, we can turn to God in prayer and trust in His plan for our lives. We can also look to the support of other believers, as Jesus had His disciples, to remind us that we are not truly alone. Ultimately, we can find comfort and hope in the knowledge that Jesus has overcome the world and that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39).
Elijah (1 Kings 19:1-18)
Elijah was a prophet of God who had just defeated the prophets of Baal in a great contest on Mount Carmel. Despite this great victory, Elijah found himself feeling alone and isolated, fearing for his life and running away from Queen Jezebel who sought to kill him.
In 1 Kings 19:4, Elijah says to God, "I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away." Elijah felt as though he was the only one left who was faithful to God, and that his life was in danger because of it.
In his despair, Elijah fled to a cave on Mount Horeb (also known as Mount Sinai), where God met him and comforted him. God asked Elijah, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:9). Elijah replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away" (1 Kings 19:10).
God then commanded Elijah to stand on the mountain before Him, and there was a great wind, an earthquake, and a fire, but the Lord was not in any of these things. After the fire, there was a sound of a gentle blowing, and God spoke to Elijah in a still, small voice, asking him the same question again, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:12-13).
Elijah repeated his answer, but this time God told him that he was not alone, that there were still 7,000 in Israel who had not bowed down to Baal (1 Kings 19:18). This reassurance from God must have been a great comfort to Elijah, who had felt so alone and isolated in his faithfulness to God.
Through this story, we can see that even the most faithful servants of God can experience feelings of loneliness and isolation. However, we can find comfort in knowing that God is always with us and that there are others who share our faith and stand with us. We can also learn from Elijah's example of turning to God in prayer and seeking His comfort and guidance in times of difficulty.
Verses for study
Genesis 2:18: "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up."
Hebrews 10:24-25: "And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
Psalm 23:4: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
Psalm 27:10: "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up."
Psalm 34:18: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 68:6: "God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, only the rebellious dwell in a parched land."
Isaiah 41:10: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
John 16:33: "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Romans 8:38-39: "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Put off | Put on
"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:22-24 ESV)
Put off: Satan; temptation; sin; slavery; false teachers; idols; selfishness; blaming God; guilt and shame
Put on: God; repentance of my sin or forgiveness of another’s sin; Jesus; repentance unto salvation; Holy Spirit; sanctification; fruit; spiritual disciplines; identity in Christ; healthy emotions
