The Christian Family
by Bryan Carlson
Perhaps you've seen one. But if you haven't you're not alone. There just aren't as many around as there used to be. I've heard it told that years ago, you could find one on almost every farm--but that was before the fast pace of modern living crowded most of them out. Now they seem to be on the verge of extinction.
If you saw one, you would not forget the experience. It would probably smile at you so affectionately that you might mistake it for a simple creature without a care in the world. But a closer examination would reveal profound depth and a countenance etched by great joy as well as immeasurable sorrow. You would sense that it had passed through countless valleys and scaled many mountains, and now stood ready for either.
What does it look like? That's hard to say. Sometimes it resembles the father of a teenager when he sets aside time just to take his son for a long walk and find out what's going on inside him. At other times it is the very image of a mother tucking her little girl in, listening to her prayers, and kissing her goodnight. And on very rare occasions, it has been know to conform to the likeness of a brother or sister who shares a couple of cookies or a prized toy.
But you can be sure of one thing: its arms are always opened, ready to take another into the warmth and security of its love. It really is a rather remarkable species. In fact, it is God's finest creation. It is...the Christian family.
The Christian family today is an endangered species. I love the family. It is the tool God designed to raise all people up to love and know him. I grew up in a fantastic family and now have an incredible family of my own. I always knew growing up that I wanted to have a family of my own as soon as possible because I was involved in such a great family growing up. I also love young people and want to see them grow up to know, love, and serve the Lord. I’ve persevered in making sure our four boys know about the Lord and teach their kids what it means to serve Him.
"…choose for yourselves today whom you will serve;…but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15).
Parents:
The first group I would like to address is parents. The two people who have the opportunity to make the greatest impact in a young person's life is their parents.
The greatest challenge we have as parents is to practice what we preach. A father was teaching his son what a Christian should be like. When the lesson was over, the father got a stab he never forgot. The little boy asked, "Dad have I ever met one of these Christians? This brings to mind the word discipline. What does it mean to discipline our children? Discipline comes from the word disciple--one who is taught, a learner, a follower. Parenting with discipline is asking yourself: where do I want by child to be by the time he or she is 18 years old? Our children will learn from and follow our lead.
Let's take our prayer life for instance. George Barna, a researcher who conducts studies for Christian organizations, found that fewer than 1 in 5 Christian people pray. In all of his research, Barna has found that there is always a strong correlation between prayer and effective ministry--our ministry here being how effectively we raise our own kids. Prayer is the greatest key of all. We are involved in a battle.
Another thing parents can do to up their children successfully is teach our kids a winning battle plan. Right now many of us are training our kids to fight a battle with a losing battle plan! Here's the plan scripture gives us—Ephesians 6:10-13. This says our battle is not against flesh and blood but against Satan himself. How do we defend our kids? Give them the right weapons for the battle--truth, righteousness, Gospel, faith, salvation, Word of God, and prayer. To train up a child means more than just saying, "My kid will grow up okay because he/she is part of a Christian family." It means taking the responsibility to equip our kids adequately for the battle they enter into on a daily basis. If not the enemy will win.
Parents, know your kids, their friends, and how they are spending their time! It is our job as parents to be nosy. I’d rather have my kids think I am a little too strict and know what is going on in their lives than to hold back and just hope they are not getting into trouble.
You know, Hillary Clinton was right, it really does take a village--at least when it comes to raising Christian kids in a church.
Not every parent is going to do a perfect job. Parents desperately need the help of the church in order to raise up a child in the way he should go. Active members of youth groups usually display these characteristics: supportive parents, a faith experience, and a significant relationship with another adult whose faith is important and meaningful. According to Dan Spader of Sonlife Ministries, "If you want to influence a teenager, you've got to establish a relationship with him. So, we need to be building relationships with the youth of our church.” When I was growing up at Country Bible Church, I had a group of men who really took an interest in me and made a difference in my life. We really need to help each other out in raising our kids
We also need to be sure we are getting our kids involved. Over seventy-five percent of youth who demonstrated a general, across-the-board alienation from religion indicated that the church's failure to take them seriously and include them in significant roles is the major cause of their estrangement. If they are not a part of it, they will probably depart from it.
All Christian adults in the lives of our children are part of the package that God uses to produce strong-in-the-faith young adults. This fact is pretty much true in every case where kids turn out well. It really does take a community.
Now I would like to make a few comments about an established institution in America that is having a profound negative effect on our children: the media.
The three institutions in our country that used to have the greatest impact on our kids are: 1. the church, 2. the home, and 3. the school. Now the greatest molding influence in our kids lives is the media--social media, music, and television. According to a 2021 report by Common Sense Media, which surveyed over 1,000 US teenagers aged 13-18, the average amount of time that teenagers spend on their phones each day is about 4.5 hours. The average teenager has spent 18,000 hours watching television by the time he is 17. Furthermore, the typical teenager absorbs around three hours of secular music every day. How long can even a Christian teen hold out under such a steady bombardment? Billy Graham has been quoted as saying, "I have yet to meet the teenager who could effectively live as a Christian while being bombarded with the unrelenting message of secular music."
"When your children reach adolescence, with all of its tough decisions and temptations, they need the ability to think for themselves and make tough, clear-headed decisions. It is not too difficult to understand how teenagers who have been conditioned to expect immediate gratification and whose prime motivator is pleasure, might opt for the escapism of drugs, sex, and alcohol while rejecting the reality that Christianity challenges them to confront" (James Dobson).
We've all heard the old adage “garbage in, garbage out.” It's true. "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things" (Philippians 4:8).
"And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel" (Judges 2:10). Let’s make sure this is not our legacy for our kids.
Young People:
Young people, we have learned that your parents have been given the great responsibility to train you up in the way you should go--to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind; to make wise decisions with your life that will glorify the Lord. It is true that the Lord has given responsibility to your parents and your church body, but let me point out one fact that cannot be overlooked:
Ultimately, it is up to you. I would like to challenge you to choose to live for God; to set your priorities straight. It all boils down to priorities. There is nothing innately evil about all of the activities we are involved in, but there is something wrong when we give more energy to our hobbies than we do to our relationships with God and each other. We get away from what is truly important--Bible study and prayer--a relationship with God. Do you know that 65 percent of evangelical teens never read their Bibles. Our foundation always needs to be Jesus Christ. Young people, is the top priority in your life your relationship with Jesus?
(Luke 9:23) "And He was saying to them all, "If any(teen) wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."
Romans 12:1 "I urge you therefore, (teens), by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
Young people, choose your friends wisely and stick together. You will become who you hang out with.
Finally, accept your parents’ involvement in your life. Be glad that your parents care about you enough to want to know what is going on in your life. Sometimes you will think that your parents are your enemies. They truly do just want what is best for you.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, I would like to compare the family with a track relay team. Grandparents are the first leg of the relay race. You can now look back and evaluate the type of race they ran in their life while their kids were at home. Hand-offs are a very important part of a relay race. You can now how effectively they handed the baton of faith to their kids.
The second leg of the race is being run by the parents. What type of race are you running? Are you holding your ground; are you making up ground that your parents lost; are you losing ground that your parents had gained. What type of hand-off is taking place as you pass your faith and life on to your kids—before long they will be running their leg of the race on their own.
The third leg of the race is represented by the young people. Kids, what type of legacy are you going to carry on for your family? Are you training and getting yourself prepared for your leg of the race? You can picture your parents handing you the baton. Are you getting prepared to run the race on your own? Are you going to take off and fly in life or stumble and fall?
And finally, the fourth leg will be run by our kids’ kids. What do they have to look forward to? What type of race is being run in their family to pave the way for victory?
At whatever stage you are at, I would like to challenge you to focus on three things. 1. Be sure you are running your leg of the race well. 2. Be sure you are doing a good job of handing off the baton to the next generation. If you have already handed off the baton, be a team player, encourage the next generation and the next generation to run a good race. And 3. Never lose sight of the goal. (2 Tim 4:7-8) "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
