Divorce and Remarriage
by Bryan Carlson
When thinking through an issue such as marriage, divorce, and remarriage, we always need to start with the Scriptures to see what they say. We should start with the clearest passages on a topic and then look for less-clear passages to shed light on the clearer passages. Then we can seek out teaching and guidance from others we know and trust.
With this specific topic, a clear reading of Scripture indicates that marriage reflects the union of Christ and His bride the Church (Ephesians 5). God’s plan from the beginning, according to Genesis 1:28, 2:23, 9:1, Matthew 19:5-9, and Mark 10:6-12 is one man and one woman for life. Marriage is a covenant two people make to each other and to God.
Mark 10:6-12: “’But from the beginning of creation, God created them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.’ ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’”
This one-man and one-woman model for marriage is still a marriage even if it is entered into sinfully. In John 4:16-18, Jesus recognized the woman at the well as having had five previous “husbands.”
Divorce is not part of the original, ideal plan. But, unfortunately, like most things God created for good, sin interferes. God’s divorce of Israel indicates there are valid reasons, caused by sin, to get a divorce.
Isaiah 50:1: This is what the Lord says: “Where is the certificate of divorce by which I have sent your mother away?
Jeremiah 3:6-10: “And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a certificate of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and prostituted herself also.”
The Bible does clearly allow divorce, and remarriage, in certain exceptions:
If a spouse dies:
Romans 7:1-3: Or do you not know, brothers and sisters (for I am speaking to those who know the Law), that the Law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives? For the married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he is alive; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is alive she gives herself to another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress if she gives herself to another man.
Romans 7: Paul is using an analogy of marriage ending due to the death of a spouse for no longer being bound to the law but dead to the law as a spouse had died. That death makes you free to marry another, to “marry” Christ. It is not about marriage being unbreakable for any reason while the spouse still lives. Obviously, if your spouse dies you are free to marry another.
If a spouse engages in porneia—gross sexual sin:
“Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:31-32).
"Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?' And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning, it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:3-9).
If an unbelieving spouse leaves:
"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).
The cultural context of 1 Corinthians 7 is that divorce and remarriage was constant. People were known more for the number of spouses they had had as opposed to how long they remained married to one person. The sexual sin of the Corinthians was well known. The people married to divorce, and divorced to marry. It was like it is today with no-fault divorce. Just leaving was a divorce, (in Greek/Roman society, no paperwork). Some Christians decided that instead they must shun marriage entirely, not to be married at all, denying the pleasure as a form of asceticism.
Just because a spouse claims to be a Believer, does not mean that they are.
There are Godly, respected Bible teachers who fall on various places on the spectrum when it comes to other allowances for divorce and remarriage.
John Piper believes divorce should only be considered in cases of adultery or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (based on 1 Corinthians 7:15). He believes that remarriage is only permissible in cases where the divorce was biblically justified, and only after a season of repentance and reconciliation (based on Matthew 5:31-32).
John MacArthur generally agrees but has also said in his book "The Divorce Dilemma: God's Last Word on Lasting Commitment" that though he acknowledges that physical abuse and emotional neglect are not explicitly mentioned in the Bible that "they may be just as intolerable, in terms of violating the spirit of the marriage covenant. It is difficult to define the degree of emotional and physical abuse that would justify divorce, but it is safe to say that in cases of extreme cruelty, deliberate neglect, or actual physical harm, the offended party may have legitimate grounds for divorce" (p. 147).
Wayne Grudem, a widely respected theologian, has recently concluded that the phrase “in such cases” in 1 Corinthians 7:15 is instructing that an unbelieving spouse leaving is one case for valid divorce and remarriage but not the only case. This then indicates that neither Jesus nor Paul’s statement on divorce were intended to be as narrow as a simple reading of the Scriptures indicate. His stance on this can be read at: https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/podcasts/quick-to-listen/wayne-grudem-divorce-abuse-complementarianism.html
"Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15).
In his book "Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage: Critical Questions and Answers", Jim Newheiser acknowledges that the Bible does not provide explicit grounds for divorce in cases of abuse but argues that physical or emotional abuse may constitute a form of desertion that justifies divorce. He writes: "In some cases, what is called 'emotional abandonment' or 'emotional neglect' may be severe enough to constitute desertion. Similarly, in some cases physical abuse may be so severe that it constitutes constructive desertion" (p. 119). Newheiser's interpretation suggests that in cases of severe emotional neglect or physical abuse, the offending spouse may be considered to have "deserted" the marriage, and the other spouse may have biblical grounds for divorce. According to Newheiser, if the spouse is an unbeliever, these behaviors can constitute leaving the marriage ,even if they don’t physically leave. He uses the story of the deadbeat husband living off his wife’s money. Even though this husband is glad to stay, living in the garage and squandering his wife’s hard-earned money on sinful desires, he in essence has abandoned the marriage, giving his wife grounds for biblical divorce.
Mike Winger is a pastor and Bible teacher who has addressed the topic in a video titled "Divorce and Remarriage: What Does the Bible Say?" He acknowledges that the Bible does not explicitly provide grounds for divorce in cases of abuse, but suggests that Jesus was answering a debate between two Jewish religious groups (Shammai and Hillel) when giving His “exception clause.” The debate among the Jews in Jesus’ day about divorce and remarriage was not about whether or not someone may get divorced but for what reasons they may be divorced. There were two lines of thinking about this issue among the historical Jews:
House Shammai believed for “unchastity” only (sexual immorality—porneia);
House Hillel believed for “any reason” and this liberal thought evolved so far as to include even if a man found a prettier woman.
This was never meant to indicate that this was the only scenario for valid divorce. “Jesus’ rule may have exceptions not explicitly mentioned; therefore, we can be open to unique circumstances.” “Any behavior causing proper separation can, if reconciliation is refused by the offender’s continued acts, properly lead to divorce because this is, in effect, the same as the 1 Cor 7:15 scenario.”
Other than Piper, these other men seem to agree that physical and severe emotional abuse and abandonment applies. God’s heart is for truth, but it is equally for grace and mercy. If God protect a slave girl from mistreatment by her husband (Exodus 21), clearly His heart is to protect His children as well. The phrase "she shall go out for nothing" has been interpreted that if a husband neglects his duties to his wife, she may be free to leave the marriage without penalty.
"If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights. And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money" (Exodus 21:10-11).
Furthermore, Deuteronomy 24 had implications of protection for the marginalized, such as divorced women and their families from financial abuse like collecting and recollecting dowries or “prostituting” wives by divorcing temporarily, “marrying” another man temporarily, collecting dowry, then divorcing that man and going back to original husband.
"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance" (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).
All of these men emphasize the importance of seeking reconciliation and restoration whenever possible and caution against using abuse as a justification for divorce without first seeking biblical counseling and other forms of support.
When is remarriage allowed after a divorce?
Unjustified divorce is sin, and unjustified remarriage to another is adultery (Matthew 5:32, 19:9, Luke 16:18). In this situation, the biblical options are to stay single or be reconciled.
In the case of valid divorce, remarriage is always allowed. This was the significance of a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24; Isaiah 50; Matthew 5; Matthew 19).
As biblical counselors, we should always counsel in a way that honors marriage and avoids divorce whenever possible. Deciding what constitutes valid divorce requires wisdom and must be considered uniquely for every individual situation. It is always okay for a counselee to remain single if they wish to devote their life to serve the Lord (Matthew 19:12, 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, 32-35), And, of course, the principle still applies that Christians should not be unequally yoked, in any relationship, to unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Ultimately, it is between our counselee and the Lord as to whether or not they believe they have a biblical justification for divorce and/or remarriage. I would suggest that it’s not our responsibility to teach them exactly how to think on this issue but to point them to the Scripture and encourage them to read these and other evangelical authors on this topic before coming to a conclusion.
In situations where unbiblical divorce and remarriage has already occurred, we should “counsel forward” and help this couple honor God in their current marriage.
