Compassion and Care
Compassion and care
Compassion is a core value in biblical counseling and discipleship. The Bible teaches us to "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). Compassion is the ability to sympathize with others, to feel their pain and suffering, and to respond with kindness and understanding. When we demonstrate compassion towards others, we reflect the love of Christ and become a source of comfort and hope. Compassion is particularly important in counseling because it creates a safe space for individuals to share their struggles and vulnerabilities. When individuals feel heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and trust their counselor. This trust is essential for building a therapeutic relationship that can lead to healing and growth.
Care is another critical component of biblical counseling and discipleship. The Bible instructs us to "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). Care involves going beyond sympathy and actively working to alleviate suffering. This can include providing practical assistance as well as emotional support through prayer, encouragement, and accountability. Care is particularly important in biblical counseling because it demonstrates the love of Christ in action. Jesus Himself was the ultimate example of care, as He healed the sick, fed the hungry, and comforted the grieving. When we show care toward others, we reflect His love and become a tangible expression of His grace.
Compassion and care work together to create a holistic approach to counseling that addresses both the spiritual and emotional needs of individuals. In biblical counseling, compassion and care are not just optional add-ons, but essential components of the counseling process. When we demonstrate compassion and care, we become vessels of God's love and grace, and we create an environment in which individuals can experience His healing power. By demonstrating compassion, we create a safe space for individuals to explore their struggles and emotions. By showing care, we provide the practical and emotional support needed for healing and growth. As counselors, we must always strive to embody the compassion and care of Christ, so that those we counsel can experience His transformative love.
Active listening
One of the most effective ways to demonstrate compassion and care is through active listening.
In both formal and informal biblical counseling, it is essential to listen carefully to the counselee and to tailor the counseling to meet their individual needs. Listening is a critical component of effective counseling, as it creates a safe space for the counselee to share their thoughts and emotions. Tailoring the counseling to the individual needs of the counselee ensures that they receive the support and guidance necessary for their unique situation. Each person is unique, and their struggles and needs are different. A one-size-fits-all approach to counseling is not effective, as it fails to consider the unique needs and circumstances of the individual. Instead, we must be willing to adapt our approach to meet the needs of the counselee. To tailor the counseling to the individual needs of the counselee, it is important to take the time to get to know them and understand their situation fully. This involves asking open-ended questions to gather more information, exploring their personal history, and understanding their values and beliefs. Once we have a better understanding of the counselee's needs, we can tailor our approach to meet those needs.
One of the most important aspects of listening in counseling is to give the counselee your undivided attention. When we are fully present with the counselee, we create a safe and trusting environment in which they can express themselves freely. It is important to listen without judgment or interruption and to allow the counselee to share their thoughts and emotions at their own pace. Repeating back what you think you heard to the counselee helps to ensure that you have accurately understood their message and creates a space for clarifying any misunderstandings.
Listening also involves paying attention not just to the words spoken but also to the emotions and body language of the counselee. By observing the counselee's nonverbal cues, we can gain a better understanding of their emotional state and respond in a way that meets their needs.
Final thoughts
We want to build trust and rapport between ourselves and our counselee. When the counselee feels that we are genuinely interested in their well-being and are actively listening to what they have to say, they are more likely to trust us and to be open to the counseling process. We demonstrate compassion and care by actively engaging with the counselee, ensuring that we have understood their message accurately, and tailoring our approach to meet their unique needs. It is in this context that we will find this resource the most effective and see our counselees overcome their struggles and grow in their faith.
Word of warning
As we are building these caring, sometimes intimate relationships with our counselees, we must be careful not to fall into their sin. Galatians 6:1 reminds us of the importance of humility and gentleness when helping others with their burdens, saying, "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted." This verse emphasizes the need for us to approach our counselees with compassion and care, while also being mindful of our own weaknesses and the potential for temptation. Proverbs 1:10 offers another warning against being led astray by the sin of others, saying, "My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent." As biblical counselors and disciplers, we must be cautious not to let ourselves be influenced by the sinful behavior of our counselees. Instead, we must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of Scripture as we provide help and hope.
Hear this from Jocelyn Wallace, a biblical counselor who had an 18-month struggle with postpartum depression:
“My experience with postpartum depression revolutionized how I thought about biblical counseling. Prior to my own journey through the valley of the shadow of death, I was passionate about helping people change. I still am, but now I view biblical counseling primarily as helping another soul suffer well when God calls them to walk through difficult trials. My job as a counselor isn’t to simply give my counselees the ‘four principles of this’ or the ‘three rules of that’ and give them fifty things to do. If that’s all I have to offer, then it’s simply behavioral change. My job as a counselor is to love my counselees, to serve them at the most terrible times of their lives, and to suffer with them while they grow in their understanding of God, themselves, and this world we live in. I think it’s probably the difference between being passionate about theories and philosophies and compassionate about real people who are suffering” (The Christian Counselor’s Medical Desk Reference, 322).
Article: Strategies to Develop a Caring Relationship with Counselees by Bryan Carlson
1) Building trust through compassion and active listening (Proverbs 18:13). In biblical counseling, developing trust and rapport with the counselee is crucial. Sympathy and active listening help the counselor understand the counselee's perspective and build trust by showing that the counselor is truly interested in the counselee's situation. A useful passage to ground this in Scripture is James 1:19, which says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." A counselor can demonstrate compassion by showing that they care about the counselee's feelings, thoughts, and situation. This helps the counselee feel understood and valued. In the book of Luke, Jesus is often depicted as having compassion for those who are suffering. For example, in Luke 7:13, when Jesus saw a large crowd around him, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. “But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8).
2) Encourage them for all that they do that is right. Romans 14:19 reminds us to build up one another, while Hebrews 10:25 instructs us to encourage one another. In counseling, we tend to focus on the negative aspects of a person's life. However, by intentionally looking for and pointing out the positive things that a person does can provide hope and optimism in our counselee.
3) Withhold advice until you have listened. Proverbs 18 instructs us to listen first, while 1 Peter 5:5 tells us to clothe ourselves with humility toward one another and James 1:19 reminds us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. A caring relationship requires that we take the time to fully understand our counselees' perspectives and experiences before offering advice. By listening first, we demonstrate that we care and are invested in their growth and healing.
4) Praying with the counselee can help build a caring relationship. In this, we not only acknowledge that God is the change agent, but we also demonstrate that we care for them. In the book of James, the author encourages believers to pray for one another. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Paul's example in almost every book he wrote demonstrates the importance of prayer.
5) Sharing personal testimonies of God’s love and faithfulness can help build rapport and trust between the counselor and the counselee. Testimonies can help the counselee see that the counselor is a fellow traveler who has experienced similar difficulties and found hope in the Lord. In the book of Acts, the apostles often shared their testimonies of what God had done in their lives. 2 Corinthians 12 provides an example of Paul sharing a personal story of God's grace.
6) Take your counselee seriously. Philippians 2:3-4, Ephesians 4:2, and Romans 15:7 all remind us of the importance of considering others and accepting one another. Many people feel unheard and undervalued, particularly when it comes to issues of counseling. By taking our counselees seriously, we can help them feel loved and supported.
7) Encouraging confession can be used to help counselees develop a closer relationship with God and one another. Confession is a means of acknowledging sin and seeking forgiveness. A relevant passage for this strategy is James 5:16, which says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." This involves speaking the truth in love (Proverbs 27:6, 9; Ephesians 4:15; 1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
Additional strategies include: being honest/genuine (Colossians 3:9); encouraging them to love and to good deeds (Hebrews 10:24); being patient with their struggles (Ephesians 4:2, Colossians 3:13); asking questions that draw the person out (Proverbs 20:5); demonstrating humility by identifying not as someone who has arrived but as a fellow pilgrim (1 Corinthians 4:7; 2 Corinthians 1:3; Philippians 3:12); grieving with the hurting; rejoicing with the victorious (Romans 12:10, 15). (Faith notes 17-18)
Faith Biblical Counseling, ACBC Exam Track 5, 17-18.
Resources
“Communication Guidelines” by Lou Priolo
“Speaking Truth in Love” by David Powlison
